How to get through Day 29

There’s an old Navy saying. It goes something like “Never trust a sailor on his first day or on his last.”

Recovery’s kind of like that.

I’m just now learning why thirty days is such a big deal. I wonder how many people get past day 29. I know I almost didn’t.

The past few days, I’ve wanted absolutely nothing more than to butcher myself. And the hardest thing in the world is to stay on the path you’re on. But I’ve been able to stay strong, even if it meant losing people in the process.

My recovery needs to come first.

So the day started out crappy, and continued that way. I went to COC and tried to take my AOC placement tests. Of course, I didn’t have a photo ID. So I was screwed.

And the day just felt like it was getting worse.

At that point, I had two options: find the closest sharp object available, or put myself in my element.

So I chose the latter.

I walked from COC to home barefoot holding up a peace sign.

It’s not even about the cause anymore. It’s about the fact that I’m where I want to be. Where I belong. Even if I do stand out, I know I’m in my element. Music blasting in my ears, cars honking in agreement, and feeling every little piece of this earth that that passes beneath my bare feet.

And that’s how I know I’m alive.

I don’t need to see my blood anymore to know just how true that is.

I am alive.